What gratitude can I be here?
‘What gratitude can I be here?’ is one of my favorite relationship questions.
What if everything in a relationship could change by having more gratitude?
I just had a massive exchange of energy with my mother over gratitude
and the lack of it! How does it get any better than this? Apparently she
and my cousin are having screaming, fighting, slashing matches via
email. She was sharing one of her emails with me that she had sent to
him and I found it quite cut throat and below the belt. I sent her an email
explaining to her that I had recently spoken to my cousin and that this
whole situation with fighting with her and my aunt being in prison had
brought him so down that he was suicidal. I said that perhaps she should
keep that in mind while communicating with him. I also said that I had
defended her recently and that I was also grateful that he had stopped his
mother, my mother’s other sister from phoning me and screaming at me
Apparently me having any consideration for my cousin, having any type
gratitude is against the rules. WOW! Imagine functioning from a place
that you were so upset with someone that it would be a betrayal for
someone to have gratitude for that person?
How much ease and peace do you think my mother is having in this
situation? What are the infinite possibilities here?
What I am doing is running: What gratitude can I be here? I am asking
that for the whole situation, the war that she is having with here sister
(the one NOT in jail) and her son and I am also asking it of my situation
with my mother and my mother.
If I don’t ask the question then it is going to be virtually impossible
for me to be in a place of ease and peace. My priority in all of this
is to have ease and peace. I’ve given up my need to be ‘right’ and
I almost always choose to be at ease and peace instead.
Another great question that supports relationships is: ‘What allowance
can I be here?’
Now I could find fault in almost anything and everything someone does.
I spent my life functioning from fault, blame, guilt, shame… the list
just goes on. How much fun do you think that was for me?
My husband used to do most of the shopping as I work from home in
the country and he works in town near a big supermarket. Every time
he would forget to get something I really wanted or got the wrong thing
I would go into blame and use it against him and more importantly use
it against me and our relationship. I’m sat here laughing at that now, because
I can’t believe how much I’ve changed and how much I’ve made my relationship
with him more of a priority than what I think I need.
Seriously, I would put things like him getting or NOT GETTING me a chocolate
cheesecake or BBQ ribs above him and my relationship with him. How much
fun was that for him? How much strain and tension did it put in our relationship?
How much fun was that for me? It was just another thing I did to make my life
crap and to feel bad!
Now on the rare occasion that Julian does do the shopping if he forgets something
I have almost no reaction to it as the worse case scenario. Having asked day in and
day out and multiple times a day ‘What gratitude can I be here?’ has helped me so
much in doing that.
I’m choosing to function from a place of gratitude in my relationships. What are
you choosing? How’s that working for you?
Thank you for the HUGE gift you are!
I adore you.